Esteem is also the ability to like and RESPECT yourself. Remember this, if you
do not respect yourself, chances are you will not respect others. So, the bottom line is you need to respect yourself first.
Affects of good Self Esteem
- Have confidence in yourself
- Feel valued, loved, and secure
- Care about yourself and want to take care of your health
- Care about others and get along with others
- Bounce back after set backs
*People who tend to make fun of others, lack self esteem.
They do this to make their own insecurity's seem small.
Self esteem is related to your self worth and your value. Building self esteem is
a first step towards your happiness and a better life.
Self esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself.
If you respect yourself you can respect others, improve your relationships, your achievements and your happiness....
Low self esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and poor confidence. Other's
desires may take preference over yours. Inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you, causes you to stumble
at every challenge and challenges seem impossible.
How to improve your esteem and confidence
1. Face your fears - they aren't as bad as you think they are. Facing
your fears increases your confidence.
2. Forget your failures - learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes
again but don't limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can't succeed this time. Try again, you're wiser and stronger. Don't
be trapped in the past!
3. Know what you want and ask for it. You deserve your dreams to come true.
4. Reward yourself when you succeed. No-one else will! Isn't everything easier
when you take time to help yourself?
5. Talk - We often make assumptions about a situation or person
which are not true. Your attitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask and don't
assume you know why or how. Don't be defeated! Try something else. You are not going
to be defeated by one failed attempt are you? Doesn't everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach.
A poor sense of self esteem can be beaten.
Low Self Esteem - Here's
what not to do:
- Low self esteem feeds on negative messages and thoughts
so Don't indulge in self criticism. Why are you joining the other side to wage war against yourself? Silence
your inner judge.
- Don't always try to please others.
It is considerate when you care about others feelings but aren't your needs just as important? Don't neglect yourself!
- Don't try to be like someone else.
This leads to lack of self worth and confidence. You are unique and you cannot be someone else. Strive to be better yes
but don't criticise yourself for not being as successful, as beautiful, as slim or as popular as somone else. You deserve
- Don't take life or yourself so seriously.
Failure just means you are not successful YET. Everybody fails on their way to succeeding, don't look on it as failure
but as a means to learning. Perhaps you just need a change of direction. Problems can make you stronger if you strive to overcome
Here's what to do:
- Self worth, confidence and assuredness will increase
when you Focus on your needs and desires. You deserve to live life as you want. This is not selfishness as what
you want doesn't hurt others or prevent them from living life on their terms.
- Focus on your successes.
Lack of confidence feeds on your feelings of failure and inadequacy. Remember the truly successful things you have done in
your life. Reward yourself when you do succeed.
People with self-esteem:
feel liked and accepted
are proud of what they do
believe in themselves
People with low self-esteem:
feel bad about themselves
are hard on themselves
think they are not good enough
Where Does Self-Esteem Come From?
Parents, teachers, and others. The people in our lives can affect how we feel about ourselves. When they focus on what's
good about us, we feel good about ourselves. When they are patient when we make mistakes, we learn to accept ourselves. When
we have friends and get along, we feel liked.
But if adults scold more than they praise, it's hard to feel good about yourself. Bullying and mean teasing by siblings
or peers can hurt self-esteem, too. Harsh words can stick, and become part of how you think about yourself. Luckily, it doesn't
have to stay that way.
The voice in your own head. The things you say to yourself play a big part in how you feel about yourself. Thinking, "I'm
such a loser" or "I'll never make friends," hurts your self-esteem.
There are other ways to think about the same things. "I didn't win this time but maybe next time." "Maybe
I can make some friends." That voice is more hopeful. It helps you feel OK. And it could turn out to be true.
Sometimes, the voice in our head is based on harsh words others have said. Or on bad times we have faced. Sometimes, the
voice is just us being hard on ourselves. But we can change the voice in our own head. We can learn to think better of ourselves.
Learning to do things. We feel good when we learn to read, add, draw, or build. Play a sport, play music, write an essay,
ride a bike. Set the table, wash the car. Help a friend, walk the dog. Each thing you learn and do is a chance to feel good
about yourself. Step back and look what you can do. Let yourself feel happy with it.
But sometimes we're too hard on ourselves. We don't accept that what we do is good enough. If we think, "It's not
really any good," "It's not perfect," or "I can't do it well enough," we miss the chance to build
What If My Self-Esteem Is Low?
You can do things to feel better about yourself. It's never too late. Here are some tips to raise your self-esteem:
Be with people who treat you well. Some people act in ways that tear you down. Others lift you up by what they say and
do. Learn to tell the difference. Choose friends who help you feel OK about yourself. Find people you can be yourself with.
Be that type of friend for others.
Say helpful things to yourself. Tune in to the voice in your head. Is it too critical? Are you too hard on yourself? For
a few days, write down some of the things you say to yourself. Look over your list. Are these things you'd say to a good friend?
If not, rewrite them in a way that's true, fair, and kind. Read your new phrases often. Do it until it's more of a habit to
think that way.
Accept what's not perfect. It's always good to do the best you can. But when you think you need to be perfect, you can't
feel good about anything less. Accept your best. Let yourself feel good about that. Ask for help if you can't get past a need
to be perfect.
Set goals and work toward them. If you want to feel good about yourself, do things that are good for you. Maybe you want
to eat a healthier diet, get more fit, or study better. Make a goal. Then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan.
Track your progress. Be proud of what you've done so far. Say to yourself, "I've been following my plan to work out every
day for 45 minutes. I feel good about it. I know I can keep it up."
Focus on what goes well. Are you so used to talking about problems that they're all you see? It's easy to get caught up
in what's wrong. But unless you balance it with what's good, it just makes you feel bad. Next time, catch yourself when you
complain about yourself or your day. Find something that went well instead.
Give and help. Giving is one the best ways to build self-esteem. Tutor a classmate, help clean up your neighborhood, walk
for a good cause. Help out at home or at school. Make it a habit to be kind and fair. Do things that make you proud of the
kind of person you are. When you do things that make a difference (even a small one) your self-esteem will grow.
Do you ever wish you could change something about your body? If so, you're not alone. Lots of people feel unhappy with some
part of their looks. But when you get stuck on what you don't like, it can really bring down your self-esteem.
You don't need a perfect body to have a good body image. When you like your body as it is, right now, you boost your body
image. And your self-esteem too.
But what if I need to be in better shape? Some people think, "When I get in better shape, I'll like my body. But
it's best to start the other way. First, accept your body. Find things to like about it. Take good care of your body. When
you like your body, it's easier to treat it right.
Want to look and feel your best? Here are some tips:
Accept Your Body
Nobody's perfect. Everybody wants to be liked and accepted just as they are. That's true for every BODY, too! See your
body the way it is. Be less of a critic. Be more of a friend.
Don't body-shame yourself. When you make harsh comments about your own body, it hurts your self-esteem. That's true whether
you say it out loud or think it to yourself. It hurts just as much as if someone else said it. Be kind. Respect yourself,
even if you have things to work on.
Build a better habit. Do you have a habit of putting your body down? To break that bad habit, build a good one in its
place. Tell yourself what you like instead of what you don't. Keep doing it until it is a habit.
Like Your Body
Find things to like about your looks. Maybe you like your hair, face, or hands. What about your shape, shoulders, or legs?
Your eyes or your smile? Tell yourself what you like and why. If you get stuck, think of what your good friends like about
how you look. Accept those things. Know that there's lots to like about you. Let yourself feel good.
Focus on what your body can DO. There's more to your body than your looks. When you play a sport, walk, run, dance, swim,
that's your body in action. Your body is there for you when you stretch, reach, climb, or jump for joy. When you carry things,
build things, or give someone a hug. Be amazed. Be thankful.
Be aware of your body. Don't ignore your body as you go through the day. Learn to breathe slowly and calmly as you move
and stretch. Learn to tell when your body needs food or rest. Enjoy the way your body feels when you walk, run, and play.
Take Care of Your Body
Eat healthy foods. Learn what foods are good for you, and how much is the right amount. Take your time when you eat. Really
taste your food. Enjoy it. Eating right helps you look your best. It gives you the energy you need. And it boosts your body
image. When you treat your body right, you feel good about yourself.
Get good sleep. Learn how much sleep you need for your age. Get to bed on time. Turn off screens hours before bedtime
so you can sleep well.
Be active every day. Your body needs to move to be strong, fit, and healthy. You can be active by playing a sport. You
can run, walk, work out, do yoga, swim, or dance. Pick activities you like. Enjoy the fun you can have.
Keep to a healthy weight. Being a healthy weight is good for you. And it helps you feel good about your body. But don't
try to diet on your own. Always talk to your parent or doctor. Your doctor can suggest ways you can keep to a weight that's
right for you.
What If I Need Help With My Body Image and Self-Esteem?
Sometimes, body image or self-esteem problems are too much to handle alone. Health issues, depression, or trauma can affect
how you feel about yourself. Eating disorders can cause a poor body image that isn't true.
Tell a parent, doctor, or therapist what you're going through. Ask for help. Body image and self-esteem can get better
with help and care.
How's Your Self-Esteem? (Quiz)
Rejection: How Do You Deal?